“As you look over your shoulder, who is in the wake of your leadership and how are they doing…?”
This one question, and how you and I choose to answer it, will shed a lot of light on our level of maturity and character as leaders…and whether it is likely to change or not…
Leadership can be a tough game.
That’s not all it is, a lot of the time it is beautiful, astounding, humbling and transcendent.
It can be tough though…especially when we don’t learn the lessons we need to about ourselves.
In this blog I want to talk about the kind of atmosphere and influence we create, where our blind spots are, and how others really feel after spending time with us.
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As Christians we are all meant to learn from those around us in the wider body of Christ. We draw from our peers, those we may lead, the leaders near to us and those ones we follow from afar. What we find ourselves looking for, who we chose to line up behind and imitate says a lot us and the stage of life we are in.
As I have watched, observed and followed leaders closely and from afar of over 25 years of actively pursuing Christ, I have learned that although confidence and ability, even in God, are attractive, it is humility, character and maturity that are far more compelling to me.
I love being near the gifts and the charisma…however, I want to be embedded around people of character.
Now, the giftings and the anointings, that are given without repentance (Romans 11:29), can certainly generate testimonies and good fruit in the Kingdom. They are not bad things, and they absolutely can and do yield results, and even in the possession of an immature or inexperienced Christian. They can be very potent…but they can also be dangerous without the foundations of character underneath.
My impact as a leader cannot be simply measured by how many testimonies I can recount of what God has done through me. I need to know more about myself than just that.
I won’t get character, humility and maturity purely by looking back and giving thanks for where I’ve been used by God (even though looking back and giving thanks is essential - Psalm 100:4-5). I need to look at more than just the successes and the wins of my ministry.
Humility, character and maturity take a lifetime of crafting and they can never be done alone. There’s no way of getting round that. You can’t get them at a conference, through an impartation or even through inner healing. They only come when what goes on inside us, what we’ve done, every win and loss is consistently and wiling given to Jesus, trusted with those who know Him and love us enough to be honest with us.
In my opinion I believe there is something of a legacy of life that comes from people who have invested in more than just their gifting and anointing, but in the the deep areas of character.
You can see it on them. You can hear it in people’s voice when they are spoken about. It’s profound and deep. I believe what these people are carry in the kingdom is more wide reaching that the power of an individual gift or anointing. I believe the influence for good they carry is more significant than them too.
They take their character, their maturity, their humility with them everywhere they go. On the front of the stage and back stage, it’s presence. They don’t need to switch it on because they never need to switch it off. They take life with them wherever they go. The people in their wake feel it. It’s not just the gift that people experience, its a heart that only knows how to be humble, kind and generous.
So…these kinds of leaders, are they just born that way, or did they get there somehow?
What Kind of Leader are you? Really?
I think leaders are forged more so than born. Good godly leaders are shaped by God through through the circumstances they have lived through and most often used to help people through the valleys they themselves have walked through.
When it comes to us and our own leadership, when someone asks the question ‘what kind of leader are you?’ there’s a temptation to do one of two things.
Firstly we can answer by justifying all of our leadership abilities, listing all the influence and success we’ve had, listing all our wins. Secondly we can go hard the other way, falling on our sword of false humility and being so self deprecating that we deny ever having done anything good for anyone, ever.
Most of us fall somewhere in the in-between.
As is so often the case, there’s a holy, middle road to walk for all of us, that I’ll describe here as “Honesty from a place of sonship”.
This middle ground is pretty simple, it’s just being real and authentic…but while never leaving the place of knowing God chose to adopt you, that you are an empowered child of His. Knowing you are human, and a son or daughter of God most high at the same time.
When we approach the question of 'what type of leader we are…and then we go one step deeper by asking how the people in our wake are doing, we can make it a real conversation about real things and not an exercise in trying to protect our image. Pride and false humility don’t get a look in.
My Leadership…and some honesty
So, for me, before I challenge you on your leadership, what do I say about myself and my leadership, speaking from that place of honesty and sonship?
Well…In some areas I’m a good and anointed leader.
In other areas I’m woefully inexperienced and learning how to do things the long way round.
I have made and do make a lot of mistakes and Ive still got so much to learn. As a pastor I’ve had to learn from being too involved in people’s lives and from trying to compensate by being too removed. As a teacher I’ve had to learn from bringing too much encouragement and too little challenge, or going too deep here and too shallow there.
Sometimes I’ve led well. Compassionately. Wisely. Empathetically and with an expectant faith in God that has encouraged others.
Other times, I’ve led heavily and I’ve led too softly. I’ve driven hard into situations without being prepared and I’ve held back too long because of fear of men.
I’ve pastored and raised some leaders really well…and I’ve just messed it up with others.
So. I’d say ‘I get it’. Leadership is not easy.
Most of us I think learn primarily from our mistakes, secondarily from watching others do it well, and probably in a distant third, from our own successes.
The important thing here though is that we keep learning. We keep letting Jesus in. We keep humble and teachable. The moment we shut up shop in our discipleship journey, we’re done for.
“Leaders must be disciples if they are to lead others to freedom”
Alana Hirsh, The Starfish and the Spirit
So, The Question again
“As you look over your shoulder, who is in the wake of your leadership and how are they doing?”
Bill Thrall
The Ascent of a Leader - How ordinary relationships develop extraordinary character and influence
I don’t know about you, but I find this a very sobering question. I believe it is a good question though, and one that is in line with the values of the gospel Jesus gave us.
The evidence for our impact with this question is not what ministry or business we started, it’s not the bottom line of profit or number of salvations, it’s not about the number of initiatives we pioneered or the number of delegates at a conference.
Impact here is based solely on ‘the people’ who are and have been in our atmosphere, and, how they now are as a result of our leadership, influence and presence..
So…Who is Over Your Shoulder and How Are They Doing?
Answering this does require thought, prayer, some long walks in the woods and a few hours journaling and processing with Holy Spirit. It requires time too, you and I won’t get the answer to this right away.
So let’s not rush it.
If we are going to engage with this question though, here are some of my thoughts about each of its three points:
Looking back - When we move beyond just being wary of the good that God has done through us and our ministry, and look to the things that didn’t work, the times when there was a relational breakdown and so on, what happens in your heart?
Do you have a scorched earth policy where that person or that issue and every way it interacted in your life is suddenly stricken from history, never to be spoken of again.
Are you inclined to look at the next visional thing, write off the failure and replace the disappointment with fresh excitement about something new? Do you save dealing with it for the next bout of inner healing or accountability time?
What is the pace of your life and mine? If we go too fast we likely won’t allow time to stop and look back at what we have been through. A speed and vision driven life probably won’t make time and space to grieve the losses and lament the failures.
I’m not suggesting we just think of the negatives all the time, we have to give glory and thanks to God, it’s the right to and most healthy way of living. But what about the other stuff…is there space in your life to pause and look at those things?
What is the Christ like way of looking back?
Who our leadership impacted - We may find that the people we were trying to reach weren’t the ones we actually got through to.
We may find the ones we weren’t aiming for actually did receive our leadership and influence. It’s a bizarre experience you have to learn to work with as a leader. I have been surprised by who has read my book and connected with it…and who perhaps hasn’t and didn’t!
Jesus’ wake was full of people hungry and desperate for God, but it was also full of easily swayed crowds, curious observers and fakes. Jesus consistently avoided the crowds and the crownings to spend time with the genuine and humble, and the broken.
When Jesus rose from the dead though, it was the misfits, the sinners, the broken who He visited personally. He didn’t manifest Himself in front of the leaders at the temple to prove a point or to those who made up lies about Him in His trial. He knew who would be most blessed by seeing Him. Those humble broken people were made strong by Jesus’ influence. Strong enough to bear the fledgling church, its doctrine and growth on their backs.
What is the Christ like way of choosing who to invest in?
How is that person in my wake really doing? - We all like to think everyone is doing better as a result of meeting and being influenced by us. Sometimes that is the case, and when it is, we need to know what we did well, how the Lord used us and make sure we keep doing the good that we did there.
Not everyone is always better as a result of our leadership and influence though.
I know I have led some people poorly, and they needed another leader to fix the problem or damage I had caused. That breaks my heart and boy do I want to learn from it. Some, I have led well, they are doing well, I’m thankful and so grateful to God for that. At the end of the day, if I choose to learn, grow, be asked tough questions and grow my character, then I will have been wise.
We can’t afford to have rose tinted spectacles on when we revisit our past. Nor can we deny God’s glory and the good He did through us with false humility. We need the Holy Spirit’s leading here for sure. We have to look back with honesty.
When a ministry or visionary idea didn’t work…what did my influence to it bring?
When someone got hurt because of my leadership and influence…do I see now what I was bringing to that situation?
If things broke down…did I contribute to it…or do I think it was all the other persons fault?
Where does my character, my humility and my maturity need to grow for the next time I might be in a situation like one of these?
We need Jesus’ courage and empowerment to engage with questions like this. We can’t ignore the tough questions about the people and circumstances we’d rather forget, but we can’t go in looking for failure and self flagellating ourselves for every mistake we made. We need Christ to guide us, and often that will be a person who love Him and us who will be used to to the guiding.
So, lastly, what is the Christ like way of responding to your wins and your losses?
Closing Thought…
Jesus is the only perfect leader. The rest of us are just learning as we go, trying our best in Him to be good junior shepherds of His great Kingdom flock.
I’m concerned that many leaders, and historically I include myself in this, will move on from failure by focusing on the bright new future, the new vision, the new thing to be excited about and the people who are around them.
I understand that.
It’s not entirely wrong.
If someone has moved on from my church, area or workplace, then I know I have to focus on the people who are still there and around me.
I know that I shouldn’t wallow and kick the can across the street in frustration, but get on with what the Lord has called me to do.
I want to be led by the Spirit of God to share the gospel, spread the Kingdom and see heaven come to earth…I can’t afford to lick my wounds all day behind the lines and let what God has given me to steward sit on the shelf.
However…if I don’t learn the lessons…if we fail to respond to the instances of limitation and our needs for development in our leadership…then give it a few months or a few years…we will repeat that behaviour.
We will hurt people again.
We will leave more people in our wake who were not blessed by our leadership or our influence.
Just being able to recount our testimonies and the ways in which our leadership did good is not enough.
We have to be mindful of the ‘God glorifying testimonies' and the “help me Lord I messed this one up” moments in our history.
We all need the grace of God to empower us where we have been weak (2 Cor 12:9)
The fruit of being a leader who is led by Jesus, is this: “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control” (Galatians 5:22-23)
One of the ways that fruit becomes evident and prevalent in our lives, is by pausing…looking over our shoulder…asking how people have experienced us…and then inviting God’s Spirit in to disciple us where it is most needed.
Bless you if you dare to look over your shoulder and ask the question, knowing that you’ll both see some wonderful good, and some stuff that’s hard to see and remember.
I hope and pray God uses it beautifully.
I really believe He will. He’s a good redeeming Father and He can turn it all to good.
Alistair
[ Alistair’s first book, ‘The Road to the Father’s House’ is available on this website and through all the usual book sellers online]